apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
