Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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