Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My dick has a subreddit
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize