You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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