Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize