I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
