How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
