Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
where am i from again
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
