You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
