So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
