I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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