Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize