I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
