O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
