Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
so much tequila, so little girl.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
