I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Come on in and take your pants off
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