I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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