...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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