Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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