omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
