I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
