she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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