Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Help. Why am I so naked?
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