someone threw a dead crab at me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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