i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
