You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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