So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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