her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
