he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
