rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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