sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
