what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it because I queefed?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
