girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
