Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
