how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
