I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
