isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will be naked everywhere
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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