Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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