youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
