i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
