i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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