i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
