Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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