i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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