you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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