So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
