i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
