I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
