Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
