if i can run in heels then i can drive
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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