I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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