Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
