Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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