peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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