I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
