I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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