glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
