Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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