I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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