girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
