Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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