Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
