I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
