If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
