Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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