I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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