Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
