i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize