I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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