My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize