The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
