i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
