Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
