it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
