Swine flu is the new snow day.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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