We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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