Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
