Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
