I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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