AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize