I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
