i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
