that's an acceptable place to lick
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
