Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
