omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize