I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize