How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
