I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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