i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
