And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize