First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
