And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Everything about him screamed your future.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
