today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
