Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize