wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The air was thick with penises
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
