i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
