Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
